Adding to the Team

March 9, 2021
change, growth, hiring

Contract Therapist and Growth Facilitator Job Description

Inner Life Adventures, LLC provides licensed psychotherapy to individuals, families, and relationships of all genders age 13 and up. We are growing a community of helping professionals working to enhance the mental wellbeing of kids, adults, families, and couples in our community through a combination of evidence-based practices, cutting edge innovative treatments, and creative outside-the-box programs both indoors and outside. In our ever-changing times, we are challenged to provide healing services outside the traditional models, so partnering with the abundance of outdoor opportunities in our area that Reconnecting to Our Nature, LLC provides such as coaching, retreats, and educational programs Guided by Nature. We are assembling a fun, dynamic, and collaborative group of clinicians, who are compassionate, skilled, energized by helping to improve the health and wellness of our communities through a wholistic approach to services.

The ideal therapist candidate will provide outpatient individual and group therapy to clients of both Inner Life Adventures and Reconnecting to Our Nature in our midtown Fort Collins office, using HIPAA secure telehealth software and in outdoor settings. Clinical therapy services include treatment of adults, adolescents, couples and families. We are looking for a clinician that enjoys working with older children, adolescents, young adults, couples, families, trauma, EMDR, and group facilitation with experiential methods. The initial need is for licensed or soon to be licensed clinicians with the ideal candidate interested in expanding to nature-based coaching and group facilitation.

Reports to: Clinical Program Director.

Minimum Qualification Requirements:
• Master’s Degree or Doctoral Degree in counseling or social work.
• Active, unrestricted license (PhD, PsyD, LCSW, LMFT) in the State of Colorado or able to obtain a full license within 6 months of start date.
• Available to hold at least 10 client sessions per week.
• Knowledge of laws and ethics of practicing psychotherapy in Colorado.
• Ability to conduct risk assessment and evaluation of mental status to determine appropriateness for services and provide referrals, if necessary.

Job Duties and Responsibilities:
• Perform on-site, telehealth, and outdoor clinical counseling services to patients of Inner Life Adventures and/or Reconnecting to Our Nature as scheduled, and in accordance with company policies.
• Perform all functions of clinical counseling and psychotherapy including conducting intake interviews, diagnosing (if necessary), formulating treatment plans, scheduling, and billing for services.
• Regular, timely, and reliable attendance is required.  Keeping scheduled appointments with minimal rescheduling is the goal.
• Be properly licensed, maintain license in good standing, hold liability insurance, and abide by all laws, rules, regulations, and codes of ethics that are binding upon or applicable to the services performed.
• Respond to patients’ calls or requests for service within 24 hours (excluding weekends and holidays), whether such requests are made in person, by phone, voicemail, etc. or through the website.  Respond to such requests by meeting, evaluating, and providing services to appropriate patients.  
• Communicate with a patient’s treatment team (i.e., PCP, psychiatrist, school counselors, etc.) as necessary.
• Completion of written records for each patient including, but not limited to, intake notes, progress notes, treatment plans, termination notes, contract notes, and other forms or documents which may be needed or required from time-to-time by Inner Life Adventures, Reconnecting to Our Nature, or third parties in conjunction with the treatment of the patient within a timely fashion (by Friday of each week).  Keep patient files accurate and up to date.
• Charge and collect payments from patients for services provided consistent with the policy and rate guidelines for such services.• Communicate with a patient’s treatment team (i.e., PCP, psychiatrist, school counselors, etc.) as necessary.
• Attend mandatory staff meetings and trainings 1-2 times per month.
• Conduct counseling services, prospective client, and current client communications in a professional manner to maintain and increase the good will and reputation of Inner Life Adventures.  Be respectful of, cooperative, communicative, and collaborative with co-workers including proper use of electronic communication during and after hours.
• Collaborate with other community providers via phone and email to coordinate care with other service providers in the community.
• Other duties which may by assigned and mutually agreed upon by clinician, Inner Life Adventures, and/or Reconnecting to Our Nature. 

Hours:
Work hours and schedule may vary depending on patient and clinic needs. Hours include some nights and/or weekends, more if you want to work at those times. Therapist is not guaranteed a minimum number of patients or sessions per week. Therapist workload will be partially dependent on efforts to market services. It is expected that Therapist will be available to hold at least 10-15 sessions per week, provided such sessions are available and referred/scheduled by Inner Life Adventures.

Other Qualification Preferences:
• At least 8-12 months prior experience in a private practice setting and/or similar outpatient clinic experience.
• Completed at least one specialty training post graduate school (i.e.: EMDR, IFS, RLT, Gottman, Sandtray, EFT, etc).
• Ability to communicate your preferences for clients in at least one niche market of counseling services (i.e., children, teens, trauma, anxiety, grief, anger management, etc.).
• Flexible availability with at least 2 weeknight and/or weekend days available.
• Familiar with the benefits of group therapy and able to refer to groups, co-facilitate groups, or develop group curriculum.
• Experience or interest in ecopsychology, experiential therapy, or outdoor counseling.
• Have existing relationships and/or willing to market and build relationships in the community by communicating about your services and group programs.
• Desire to become an in-network provider for at least three insurance panels. We will assist you with this process, if you are not already in-network.

Compensation and Benefits
• $30-$80 per clinical hour based on percentage of collected service fee. Percentage is based on experience in field and length of time at Inner Life Adventures. Opportunities available to renegotiate rate every 6 months based on performance.
• Clinical supervision available at a highly discounted negotiable rate, if needed.
• Company required meetings and approved marketing efforts paid at $20/hour.
• Stipend provided for the first 2 months of employment while building up caseload.
• Bonus opportunities: $100/month for 15 clients per week all four weeks. $200/month for 20 clients per week all four weeks. Able to be doubled twice per year if applied to professional development.
• Payment for connecting within the community.
• Flexible schedule. Decide your own hours and the number of clients you wish to see. Ability to work in-person as well as remotely.
• Team case consultation meetings.
• Administrative Assistant for scheduling, document editing, sending invoices, and other administrative tasks.
• Business VOIP phone line accessible from anywhere to keep your personal cell phone and business separate.
• Paid subscription to EHR software for record keeping, client portal, intake paperwork, billing, invoicing, credit card processing, insurance claim submission.
• Quarterly community social gatherings.
• Commitment to developing a healthy, supportive, growth-oriented environment to help you thrive and have a fulfilling career as a counselor.

To apply, please submit a resume and cover letter outlining your interest and fit with our organization to [email protected].

SAFE – Working with our Emotions with Compassion for Ourselves and Others

April 6, 2020
anger, anxiety, change, depression, embodied, exercise, feelings, loneliness, stress

‘‘When we don’t feel safe, our brains fall into a fear mindset and don’t allow for our natural states of joy, calm and happiness to arise.’’

SAFE is a simple acronym for a practice you can use to ignite the natural anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine of self-compassion. In this time of uncertainty, there are lots of things being felt. To make it through, we have to be able to work with our emotions in a healthy way, not ignore them or “just think positively.”  It might work for a short time, but eventually you’ll run out of energy to keep supressing other feelings and welcoming only positive ones. When you are feeling something you don’t want to be feeling, try this practice.

S – Soften into the feeling. This implies a type of gentle recognition of the feeling or sensation in your body. Focus your awareness toward it softly.  If you can, maybe even naming it. “Breathing in, opening to the sadness/fear/vulnerability that is there, breathing out, softening into it.”  But if you can’t name it easily, don’t get hung up on it.  Sometimes it is even better to not, as words and labels may make us jump to assumptions about it.  But do make sure it is a feeling or sensation in your body, not a belief or narrative about something.

A – Allow it to be as it is, without resisting, trying to change it, or clinging to it.  For as long as needed, but aim for at least a few minutes.  Most likely not more than a few days.  If it lasts more than a few days or weeks, some outside help or support may be needed.

F – Feel into the emotion that is there even more with a kind attention and compassion for it. In doing this we can also drop in questions to connect our mind with our feelings:  “What is it trying to tell me?”  “What is it’s message for me right now?“ “What does this feeling believe?”” or “What do I need right now?” When we discover this we might give that to ourselves. For example, if we sense that we need to feel loved and to feel safe, we might say, “May I feel loved, May I feel safe, etc…”  We may need rest, connection, care, food, movement, etc.  I’d encourage you to keep your gift related to your inner process, rather than feeling like you need to take external action, especially to change or avoid the feeling.

E – Expand awareness of all people who also experience this feeling.  Remind yourself that while your situation may feel unique to you, the feeling you are experiencing is also experienced by virtually every human on this planet.  This feeling, this vulnerability of sadness, fear, anger, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, resistance, or any difficult experience is a universal human experience. This is a core component of self-compassion. Here is where we understand that we are not alone and that in this very moment there are thousands if not millions of people who are experiencing this very same feeling. The “E” of SAFE is where we inspire connection with the rest of humanity. In this practice we can also take what we learned from the “F” of SAFE and send it outward to specific people you know that also experience this or to humanity in general saying, “May we all feel loved, May we all feel safe, etc… Some people find it helpful to do this with a hand on their heart, stomach or both.

If you have trouble focusing on your inner experience in this way, it may be helpful to first ground yourself with input from your 5 senses.  Paying attention to information first from the outside world of what you can hear, see, smell, touch/feel, and taste.  Ask yourself, am I really SAFE in this moment?  Is there an immediate threat?  Most likely, there is not anything that has to happen this exact moment.  Then allow yourself to come back to the SAFE exercise.

SAFE Acronym by Elisha Goldstein, PhD, explanations and expansion provided by Chuck Hancock, LPC, EMDR II of Inner Life Adventures 

Unexpected Landing

Adapting to Change with COVID-19

March 26, 2020
change, nature, personal growth, technology, therapy

The past two weeks has shown us more change than most of us have known in our lifetimes and things continue to change hour by hour.  With the stay at home measures now in place in Colorado, it is important we all take care of our physical health as well as our mental health.  I am now moving 100% to telehealth counseling sessions via a secure HIPAA compliant platform. I have been doing video sessions for years and in the past two weeks even my men’s group is meeting via telehealth. Provided you have a private place to talk, it works just as effectively.  Using telehealth also enables us to be outside if you have access to a private area to benefit from nature and fresh air as well. Further, parks and natural areas are still open so nature based coaching sessions are also still available through Reconnecting to Our Nature maintaining adequate social distance.

However, even though telehealth is effective, staring at a screen all day as many of us are doing now for work can be exhausting.  So I wanted to share some ideas on how we can all make better use of our required physical distancing and still take good care of our mental and emotional health.

1) Get outside!  Take several breaks throughout the day, even if they are short 5-10 minutes just outside your building.  You don’t even need to go anywhere, but if you do have time to get out to a natural area that is a bonus.  Sitting, standing, or walking wherever you are. Focus on your 5 senses, not your thoughts or narrative. Name things to yourself: 

  • What do you see?
  • What do you hear?
  • What do you smell?
  • What do you feel in, around, and with your body?
  • What can you taste?

Name as many as you can in the time you have or set goals of 5-10 things in each category.  (Or at least the first 4. Taste can be hard, unless you bring along gum, candy, or some other special treat).

There is a 12 minute audio file instructions for this and other mindfulness exercises on my website here: https://www.innerlifeadventures.com/mindful-practice/

2) Move your body! Stretch, exercise, dance, and move intuitively.   There are numerous free videos available on youtube and subscription videos from both local and distant professionals trying to maintain their business and livelihood.  Check your local yoga studios and fitness centers to support them or use the free options if you need to. Or keep it simple and put on your favorite music and dance.

3) Practice extreme self care!  Self care is always essential, and even more essential as time passes in our current situation.  Self care doesn’t necessarily mean going to the spa or getting a massage (though those will be great options when we are able to again), self care means caring for ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, with kindness and acceptance.  What we say to ourselves and how we talk to ourselves is one of the most powerful factors influencing how we feel. It is important to allow yourself to fully feel and accept all of the emotions getting stirred by our current situation. Many of us are experiencing practically every emotion such as fear, grief, excitement, joy, gratitude, love, desire, anger, and more. Giving ourselves space for all of the feelings and then caring for yourself in whatever way we need is key. 

Here is a fantastic article with 10 Self Compassion Practices for COVID-19 from a couple of the top evidence based mindfulness practitioners: https://centerformsc.org/10-self-compassion-practices-for-covid-19/.

4) Stay connected!  It is always important, but it is more important than ever to stay connected with healthy, grounded balanced people.  Phone calls, video calls, and walks outside (with proper physical distance) with people you care about are all really important to maintain.  And there can also be too much input and connection with the outside world so stay connected to yourself – through limiting news and social media intake, limiting movies and TV shows, and just sitting in quiet with a mindfulness practice or just in quiet reflection.

There is a time and a place for deeper self exploration and there also is a time to just stay on the surface and ground with another human.  You’ll probably need both at different times. So to help you stay connected, in addition to the standard hour or 1.5 hour sessions, I’m also offering for a limited time shorter sessions of 20 or 30 minutes to offer you a chance to just touch base and check in.  Reach out and let me know if you would like to try just a brief check in session. 

Nature is a great teacher of change.  So I will be offering even more programs and coaching through my other business Reconnecting to Our Nature.  Through sessions in nature or homework assignments on your own in nature we can tune in more for greater clarity and guidance beyond our human and rational mind driven world.  To learn more about the model that is the foundation of the nature based work I do, you can read more here or join me for a free Zoom call April 6 at 6:00 where I discuss this in more detail.

To stay informed with what is happening with nature based work and Reconnecting to Our Nature you can subscribe to the RTON email list here.

With the right perspective, the right tools and practices, the right community and people to support us, I trust we will all be able to emerge from this period of intense change stronger and healthier than ever.  Please stay connected and let us know how we can support you. Take good care of yourself and stay healthy and well!

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

Relationship Skills for Men* 5 Week Online Course

February 13, 2020
change, community, masculinity, men, relationship, Uncategorized

Relationship Skills for Men* 

(Men in this context means male/masculine identifying person)

1 month Thursday lunchtime online zoom meeting

March 26 – April 26, 2020.  Thursdays @ Noon.  

In all my work with men – be it as clients, in men’s groups, close friends, or family, the number one consistent theme that causes the most stress (even with men who have everything else they want) – successful career, hobbies, friendships, etc.), is having successful relationships with women* (women meaning female/feminine identifying person).  

If you have have this struggle, (or maybe don’t currently have it, but find yourself in cycles in your relationship where this comes up from time to time) and still haven’t learned how to resolve it, you owe it to yourself and the women in your life to carve out an hour a week to learn how to better relate to the feminine. You probably know how good it feels to be in a healthy, satisfying relationship. And you probably know how bad it feels to be in a poor, unsatisfying, or unhealthy relationship.  

This course will empower you to become the skilled and competent leader for healthy relationships in your life and in your romantic partnership.

In this lunchtime online Zoom meeting we will:

Zoom online meeting view
  • Learn losing strategies and winning strategies for healthy relationships
  • Learn practical relational skills for more connected, peaceful, and rewarding conversations
  • Learn skills for managing conflict
  • Learn how to de-escalate when tensions, stress, or anger get high
  • Learn how to identify and regulate emotions with you and your partner
  • Begin to identify the relational patterns that cause problems between you and others
  • Learn how self-esteem, self-care, and how you treat yourself show up in relationship 
  • Be fully present and engaged with mind and body with mindfulness and awareness exercises
  • Learn the difference between co-dependence, self reliance, and interdependence
  • Explore healthy sexuality in relationship 
  • Learn to take personal responsibility for what is ours, and set boundaries around what is not
  • Practice in real time to build skill and confidence in your ability to apply them with women

Relationship is a full contact sport!  It takes our full presence, awareness, and training to properly utilize our primary relational tools – our mind, our heart, and our body.  There are many great books and podcasts to give you the knowledge you need, but you can’t just read a book or listen to a podcast and know these things and expect to have better relationships.  Actually practicing these tools and concepts with other men, giving and receiving feedback, and then utilizing them during the week with your partner will accelerate your learning and skill level.  This course is packed with information to help you understand the why, effective tools to implement in your relationship, and it also includes a brief amount of time to practice in the safety of Zoom breakout rooms with other men.  If you can communicate using these tools with other men, you can do it with women.

We will become a community of support for you as you learn and apply these tools and concepts.  You’ll be given handouts with specific instructions and key ideas each week to ensure you can have the support you need in real time, in your pocket.

Why study relationship skills with me?

I’ve been participating in and leading men’s work for almost a decade, as well as practicing as a psychotherapist. Just as important as my professional experience and credentials, my life experiences as a husband, father, son, brother, and friend and shaped me most, trying and sometimes failing at practicing what I teach.  Before becoming a therapist, I was a software engineer who grew up in the south with all of the rules about being a man. Many of them were misguided and not helpful. My world was ruled by logic and reason alone. I was involved with lots of groups, I played sports, studied martial arts, and was smart and successful, but I struggled with relationships. Nobody taught me how to relate effectively and how to have the courage and strength I needed to be honest with myself and others.  I understand the world of men and talking to men about relationships can be different than talking to women. I’ve studied the best authors, researchers, and practitioners in the field such as the Gottmans, Relational Life Therapy with Terry Real, Ester Perel, Emotionally Focused Therapy, as well as the most important relationship topics such as attachment, somatic trauma work, sex therapy. In addition to all the theoretical knowledge, studying finely attuned somatic psychotherapy such as Hakomi and IFS as well as very somatic and non verbal forms of martial arts, jiu-jitsu, and dance have taught me even more about the dance between direct assertiveness and receptive attunement. Even with this breadth of knowledge and understanding, there are still days where I struggle and get tripped up, just like anyone else.  Having references, ongoing support, and accountability to using these tools is essential when we stumble. So I’ve taken the best tools from these experts, translated them into real life applications and created this course so you get to be your authentic self. You won’t sound like you are communicating from a script, you will be honest and authentic, and you can immediately use these ideas and tools to shift your stance, become your own leader, and improve the way that you relate with women so you can get started right away with healthier relationships.

I’ll show you how to live and embody a strong masculine relational stance – one that is wise, compassionate, active, effective, open, receptive, and can handle anything that comes your way.

Investment of Your Time and Money

This course is designed for anyone to use their one hour lunch break, once a week, for one month from the convenience of their phone or computer to skyrocket their relational skills.  No travel time. No excuses. 

$50 per session.  1 hour per week. 4 week commitment.

However, if you haven’t decided your skills and relationship are worth the investment, here’s how I’ll make it even more worth your while:

Sign up by March 2nd and pay only $40 per session 

Attend and participate in all 4 sessions so I know you have the built the foundation, have the necessary background information and you are invested in your relational life, and you will be invited to attend a free bonus meeting where I’ll answer your questions, go into further depth of any topic covered, and provide coaching about a specific relationship issue you have, if you choose. 

If you are ready to commit to improving your relationship skills for yourself and your partner, sign up by March 2nd and for only $160 you will get 5 weeks of instruction and an opportunity to get direct coaching and feedback on a relationship issue you are facing.  This brings your cost to only $32 per group! Consider that is a 5 hour program for the price of ONE individual therapy or coaching session. 

If you are hesitant or late to commit, don’t worry. You can still get all 5 sessions for $200.  Still a great deal! You, your partner, your relationship, and your life satisfaction are worth it.  

Course Outline

March 26 – April 26, 2020.  Thursdays @ Noon.  

Week 1

  • Setting the Foundation
  • Communication Basics
  • Healthy Interdependence vs Codependence, enmeshment, or self-reliance
  • What is Your Relationship Dream?
  • Practice and Homework

Week 2

  • Creating Safe Secure Relationships (as opposed to anxious, avoidant, or distant relationships)
  • De-escalating conflict and stressful conversations
  • Emotional Intelligence
  • Practice and Homework

Week 3

  • Turning Up The Heat – Appropriately, Skillfully, and Wisely
  • Giving and Receiving Feedback
  • Getting What You Want, Getting What You Need
  • Male Sexuality and Pornography in Relationship
  • Practice and Homework

Week 4

  • Bigger Picture and Moving Forward
  • Repairing After a Regrettable Incident
  • Self Leadership and Relational Leadership – Achieving Balance in Thinking, Feeling, Being, and Doing
  • Practice and Homework

Week 5 * (Bonus for those who engaged and participated in all 4 prior sessions)

  • Review and Diving Deeper With Previous Topics
  • Questions and Discussion
  • Live Coaching on Your Personal Situation Challenge

These are just the highlights and main themes of the course.  You can be assured we will pack much more into each hour we spend together.  If you are not convinced you need this, ask your partner and get their feedback.  Or if you have a specific need or question about the course, reach out to [email protected].  

Registration and Preparation

When you are ready to commit, there are four steps to take:

  1. Complete the registration form here or below.
  2. Click the Buy Now button below and send your payment for the course.  $160 for Early Commitment by March 2nd. $200 after March 2nd.
  3. Be sure your computer or phone is ready to use Zoom meetings.  Join a test meeting if you have never used Zoom before.  Having video is best to view material, but audio and phone only will suffice if needed.
  4. Be sure you have reserved 12:00 MST on your calendar for the meeting dates.  We will start and end on time. There is a lot of material to cover, so be sure you arrive on time with your technology ready to go.  

I look forward to connecting with you and learning how to be a stronger, more relational man together.

Facilitated by: Chuck Hancock, M.Ed., LPC, EMDR II.  Chuck has over 9 years experience participating in and leading men’s groups, experiential groups, therapy groups, wilderness groups, interpersonal process groups, ritual and rites of passage programs, and teaching college courses. Chuck is highly trained in treating trauma, mindfulness, somatic therapy, and is a member of Colorado Group Psychotherapy Society and a perpetual student of intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship patterns.  

Download a printable flyer below to share with someone who could use this course.

Relationship-skills-for-menDownload

Spread Your Shame and Pain – Intentionally

How Leave No Trace (LNT) Camping Ethics Apply to Your Shame and Pain

Yes, you read that right!  Scatter your shame and pain, intentionally!  What have you been doing with your shame and pain?  If you are like most people, you hide it, deny it, or perhaps unload it on one best friend or your romantic partner.  But the problem with that is it comes out sideways, when you least expect it.  Or it stagnates and rots inside you.  Or you overburden your best friend or partner expecting too much.  So what do you do about it?

In LNT principles, you minimize your impact on our environment by scattering cool ashes and scattering your strained dishwater.  Why?  You pack out trash, but you don’t want to carry dead organic material from the past with you.  That is best left to return to the earth to be broken down and fertilize the next generations of life  And leaving a pile of waste is an eyesore, attracts animals, and over-taxes one spot.  Especially if you leave food scraps in a pile, it will decompose and stink.  

Pain and shame is a natural organic human experience.  Just like the lifecycle represented with food and ashes.  Our emotional “yucky stuff” needs to be handled just like physical “yucky stuff.” It can’t be ignored, don’t let it accumulate, don’t leave it for others to deal with. Give it a proper treatment by straining out the big bits, and dispersing the small pieces where they don’t cause harm and in some cases can even nourish other forms of life.

Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brene Brown advises that we handle these feelings just like we strain our dishwater or separate ashes from incompletely burned charred firewood.  First separate what you do from who you are.  You may have done something you regret, but it doesn’t mean you are bad.  Guilt is feeling bad about what you did, which can be a healthy emotion that causes a change in behavior.  Shame is saying who you are is bad.  This is destructive and causes future harm, to yourself obviously, but to others in your life as well. Shamed people shame people.  Don’t allow your shame to fester, rot, or accumulate or it will impact others by you shaming or judging them.  

After we strain our dishwater or cool our ashes, we spread them so we don’t concentrate them in one spot.  The next step of dealing with shame or pain is the same.  Find lots of people who can share a little bit of your story.  Shame lives in secrecy.  The best way to free yourself of shame or pain is to shed light on it rather than hide it.  Unloading everything on one person can be too much.  But by having good friends, a partner, family, a support group, a therapist and/or therapy group, etc you can share appropriate parts with trustworthy people, eventually freeing yourself of the burden, while not overtaxing one person.  

If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too. – Brene Brown, TED Talk (linked above)

Doing what I do, I am exposed to the pain, shame, and trauma of lots of people.  And of course I’m human too and create plenty of my own!  I’m trained to work with these hazardous feelings and am better equipped than your average friend, but even I can’t hold that myself. And you too may have experienced more than your fair share of “yucky stuff,” so this tip can apply to you too. Over the years of doing therapy, I’ve assembled my own pain dispersal system.  I have my own therapist, a men’s group, mentor(s), a peer consultation group, and several good male and female friends, a great relationship with my romantic partner, and spiritual practices and rituals that I can share and disperse my own pain and “yucky stuff” with.   Due to confidentiality, I obviously can’t and don’t talk about other people’s details, but I certainly can talk about my own pain and how I am impacted by what I experience in my life.  Often that is a better way to connect anyhow.  People don’t always need to know the details, and often can’t even relate to your specific experience, but everyone can connect and empathize with the feelings you have.  Get to the point, get real, and connect on your shared emotional human experience.  And assemble a your own personal tribe of people so each person can handle a little bit, and nobody gets overburdened, especially the people closest to you.

When you don’t own your story, your story owns you.  When you own your story, you are free to edit and re-author it any way you choose.  When you don’t own your story, it controls your feelings and behaviors, often perpetuating the shame and pain. When you own your guilt, shame, or pain and spread it intentionally, it doesn’t harm you or anyone else.  In fact, sometimes it can be a gift to teach others from your experience.  But when you hold it, deny it, or repress it, it rots and overburdens you.  It gets worse and will get spread unconsciously and possibly cause more harm to you and others in your life.  With great circle of trustworthy people you can be real and vulnerable with, you can unburden yourself, without burdening others to free yourself up to write the next chapter of your life with more joy and ease.  Spread it! Carefully and intentionally.

 

Bonus Videos on the Topic:

Here’s Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) expert Jon Kabat Zin speaking about this topic and to use mindfulness with these feelings.

And for a lighter more humorous look, here’s comedian Kyle Cease.

 

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

Expanding Beyond “Mindfulness”

January 5, 2016
change, depression, embodied, experience, feelings, growth, human experience, meditation, mindfulness, outdoors, relationship, stress reduction, therapy

As I was hiking this morning, I was watching myself, being aware of what I was doing, thinking, feeling, and sensing and a thought occurred, that mindfulness is about so much more than our mind.  As a former software engineer, I was living in a world of thought and cognition, which of course is helpful for many things, but not everything life gives us.  There is so much more to the mind than just thought, and if our definition of mindfulness is Sun shining through the treesonly on thoughts or the absence of thought, there’s so much more we are missing.

Don’t hear me wrong, being more aware of our thoughts, evaluating them as fact/opinion, true/false, helpful/not helpful and working to actively change thought is an essential first step.    It is the foundational basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which has been the primary treatment for a couple decades now, but of course there is more.

First let’s be clear that our “mind” is different than our brain (the lump of cells in our skull).  And even our brain is not just thought.  As anyone who has seen the movie Inside Out will know, there are memories, emotions, core beliefs, and more that shape our personality and all are contained in our brain.  (As a side note, if you have not seen this movie yet, go see it!) Our “mind” is much broader and includes all of the components of the brain mentioned above, the remainder of our nervous system, body, and more.  Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine defines the mind as “an embodied and relational process that regulates energy and information flow.”

His definition is dense and can be broken down into much detail, but for now I just want to elaborate on a couple of points.  The mind regulates information flow – taking in information from our environment, information occurring within us, and information that may or may not leave us through expression.  The mind regulates energy input and output, such as the clamping down and low energy state known as depression.  The mind is embodied, that it is includes our central nervous system and peripheral nervous system that runs throughout our body and feels and expresses through the body.  And the mind is relational – our mind is influenced, shaped, impacted, and includes our relationships of the past and present.

So when we talk about mindfulness, we have to keep in mind that our mind is not just our brain, which is not just our thoughts.  It’s helpful to start with tools that help us learn awareness and focus, but then we also need to keep in mind that when we talk about mindfulness, we also need to consider and work with body-fulness, emotion-fulness, sense-fulness, thought-fulness, memory-fulness, self-fulness, other-fulness, relation-fulness, heart-fulness, personality-fulness, habitual behavioral pattern-fulness, and all the other components of being human.

You can try some exercises and see a diagram of this on my Mindful Practice page.

To explore all these areas, it takes awareness, skill, willingness, patience, and it is quite helpful to have a guide.  After all, how do you explore the relational aspects of mind by yourself?  Further, most of us tend to stay in our habitual comfort zone, and having someone to help point out the things we are not seeing on our own is an important part of the process of growth and healing.  Exploring all of this is what Dan Siegel calls “Mindsight,” and I call it your Inner (and outer) Life Adventure.

Happy exploring!

 

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

Living Bigger than Your Goals, Bigger than Yourself – Your Mission

January 1, 2016
change, community, goals, growth, mindfulness, new year, personal growth, plans, priorities, relationship, resolutions, values

A reflection on Relationship, Connection, Trust

Around the new year, I reflect on the past year and reevaluate my direction for the new year.  This year, I’m clear that I’ve made a lot of progress on my goals, and yet they are big enough that I’m still working toward them.  Sometimes it takes years or even a lifetime of revisiting and refining the same things to accomplish the things that are really important to us.  That’s what it is like to live your mission.  What is your mission?

My mission is connection.  Connection to myself, to others, to my community, and to the world as a whole.  And partly because we teach what we need to learn for ourselves and because I want to share the gifts and lessons I’ve

Taking Steps, Exposed, Vulnerable

Taking Steps, Exposed, Vulnerable

received in my life, much of the way I work with individuals, couples, and groups invites people into deeper connection with themselves, each other, and the world as well.  Your mission may be different, yet I’d bet there is something in what I’m learning about living my mission that will help you with your mission as well.  (Or if nothing else, you might find some ideas that help with your relationships.)

In recent years, I’ve learned that the two biggest things that hold me back are fear and lack of trust (which are closely related by the way).  So when I stumbled on a video of Brene Brown outlining what it really takes to trust, I ate it up.  It shined a spotlight on where I’ve been falling short in my mission and inspired me to take more responsibility for trusting and connecting – both to myself and others.  Wait, so what is trust?

Charles Feltman defines trust as this:  “Choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” And his definition of distrust follows with, “what I have chosen to share with you that is important to me is not safe with you.”  Wow.  That is clear.  So , how we you trust, really?  

To learn how to trust, Brene Brown dug into her own research and research by  as well-known relationship expert John Gottman. Gottman says: trust is built in small moments over time.  Stopping what you are doing to attend to someone in need or pick up the phone to check in when you are thinking about someone and asking about specific things you know are important to them builds trust and connection.  Failure to choose connection and support when the opportunity is there is a betrayal of trust and relationship.

Another surprising finding is that asking people for help when needed helps prove trustworthiness.  It shows we won’t take on more than we can handle and we will ask for help when we do.  When we don’t do this, people won’t come to us because they don’t believe we can handle what they want to ask or share. This one was huge for me and speaks so much about honoring ourselves and our limits and boundaries.

Diving deeper into trust, we see when we trust, we are BRAVING connection.  With ourselves and with others.  Brene Brown came up with the acronym BRAVING to describe in more detail the components of trust.

B – Boundaries – When I know your boundaries, and you hold them, and you know my boundaries and respect them, there can be trust.  Without clear boundaries and respect of boundaries, there is distrust.  Boundaries create safety; safety creates trust.  Its why we build fences and walls.  So much more can be said about this, I’ll save it for a future post.

R – Reliability – There can only be trust if you do what you say you are going to do and I do what I say I’m going to do consistently over time, not just once.  How many times do we not do what we say we will do.  “It was really great seeing you.  Let’s get together again soon for lunch.”  And it never happens?  I know it’s just a saying and everyone says it, but trust is broken.  Let’s just share the awkwardness of knowing it may be a while before we meet again.  Being reliable creates trust.

A – Accountability – You are allowed to make mistakes.  I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it and make amends and you can only trust me if I am allowed to make a mistake, be honest about it, and make amends.  Being accountable creates trust.

V – Vault – What I share with you, you will hold in confidence.  What you share with me I will hold in confidence.  When we gossip about someone sharing something that is not ours to share, we think we are connecting over juicy information, but we are proving ourselves untrustworthy.  Keeping confidence creates trust.

I – Integrity – I cannot be in a trusting relationship with you unless you act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.  What is integrity? Doing what is right, even when nobody else is looking.  Brene’s definition is far more challenging and eloquent. “Choosing courage over comfort.  Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy.  Practicing your values, not just professing your values.”  Let’s meet each other in integrity.   Being in integrity creates trust.

N – Non-Judgement – I can fall apart, ask for help, struggle, suffer, and make mistakes without being judged by you and you will find the same with me.  Without this, we can’t be safe to ask for help and we can’t truly reciprocate it.  When we assign a value to reaching out or needing help by thinking less of the other person or judging them in any way for what they are doing or feeling it destroys trust.  Or even more importantly when we think less of ourselves for reaching out or needing help, we are consciously or unconsciously thinking less of the other person for their needing help.  You can’t have true trust if you are judging the other person, or ourselves in big or small ways.  Acceptance creates trust.

G – Generosity.  Our relationship is only trusting if you can assume the most generous thing about me and my intentions and then check in about it if it doesn’t feel right.  I will do the same for you to help us both stay in integrity.   There is a lack of trust when we assume poor intentions and don’t check it out with the other person.  Assuming positive intentions and having unconditional positive regard creates trust.

Building trust, strengthening the weak spots, and sharing about breakdowns in trust facilitates connection.  Trust makes connection easy.

And these same principles apply to trusting and connecting with ourselves as well as trusting and connecting with someone else.  Looking at ourselves: How well do we know our own boundaries and honor them?  How often do we do what we tell ourselves we are going to do?  How good are we at admitting and forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings?  How good are we at choosing who to share with and how much is in our best interest to share?  Are we in integrity with ourselves and our value?  Can we refrain from judging and being critical of our thoughts and actions?  Do we assume that we are doing our best and had positive intentions?  By these measures, do we really trust ourselves?  Can we achieve our mission if we don’t trust ourselves?

When we become aware we are not trusting or in connection with ourselves, reflecting on these definitions can give us benchmarks.  This map shows us where our obstacles are to deeper relationship,  trust, and connection  are happening so we can name it, repair it, and ask for what we need from ourselves and from others.

To tie this all together:  Do you know your mission?  Are you living it?  In every small moment?  Can you achieve your mission alone or is it so big do you need the help and support of others?  You probably need strong relationship with yourself and others to achieve your mission. Do you have strong relationship and connection with yourself and others?  Do you trust yourself to achieve your mission?  Do you trust others to help?  If not, where are your obstacles?

Thanks for joining me on this small part of my mission.  Will you join me for more?

 

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

New Therapy Group for Teens

August 17, 2015
anger, anxiety, change, children, community, exercise, experience, experiential, feelings, goals, group, growth, human experience, kids, mindfulness, outdoors, personal growth, relationship, school, self esteem, therapy

 

 

 

Join us for a new first of its kind hybrid group therapy and wilderness therapy group for teenagers locally on the Front Range based out of Fort Collins, CO.  This outdoor group was created to offer the best of coaching, therapy, and wilderness adventures to adolescents without the cost and time commitment of traditional backcountry programs.

This group is open to all teens of all genders regardless of “issue” who are simply looking for personal growth by getting outside and joining in a community of peers, connecting with themselves, others, and nature. Through exploring themselves, overcoming challenges, developing new skills,  and being guided by expert facilitators our participants learn to bring the best of the lessons and experiences of the outside…. in.

For more details, click here and or contact Chuck directly at [email protected] or 970.556.4095.

Download a pdf version of the flyer to print, email, and share with someone who could benefit.

Outside--in flyer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

True Fear vs Worry

July 25, 2014
anxiety, change, embodied, exercise, experience, experiential, growth, mindfulness, outdoors, stress

Ever since having a rattlesnake swim toward me and my kids a couple of weeks ago, every stick looks like a snake.  Every stick causes a slight pause, a re-evaluation, and worry about getting bit.  But this morning I got to see how unhelpful this really is.

This morning I was running on a familiar trail, after many false snake sightings my brain started to grow tired of it. Then I heard it, the loudest most intense rattle I’ve ever heard. And it’s close.  My body freezes, my eyes search for the sound, my feet shufflerattlesnake to a stop like the Road Runner cartoon character on the edge of a cliff.  A rattlesnake tumbles off the rock next to me dead center on the trail in front of me.  Only 6” from my feet, my body hovered over it still being pulled by my forward momentum.

I hear myself utter a fearful sound I’ve never heard myself make before.  My breathing stops.  All of my attention and focus goes to regaining my balance. I’m feeling real fear, much stronger than all the pointless worry of a few minutes ago. True fear totally consumes my body, giving me an alertness and activation that helps me with this threat.  Yet there is enough focus and stillness inside, to watch what is happening and notice I have not been bit.  The snake too was startled and all of its energy was going into curling up in it’s defensive position, which gave me time to back away.

We both stand our ground and stare at each other.  My heart pounding, I breathe deep and regain my composure. It too is still, not rattling, just watching me.  We both hold our places, no longer in the grips of fear. After a few minutes of watching each other and soaking in what just happened, I thank it for the experience and find an alternate route to continue on my journey.

Curiously, I notice that the rest of my run I’m actually not going on alert with every stick like before the meeting.  The real encounter with an actual danger seems to have increased my ability to discern the real threat from the perceived threat.

My brain thought it was keeping me safe by raising my fear any time it saw a stick, but in fact it wasn’t real fear, and it was only distracting me from what was real.  Having a snake 6” away from my foot triggered the real thing.  And it reminded me that most things that can really hurt us can’t be predicted anyway, we just have to trust ourselves, trust our body, trust our experience, and trust our support to do what needs to be done when action is needed.

As tends to happen on my outings in nature, I realize there are so many ways this experience speaks to the challenges and ways I’m needing to grow right now.  There are so many false fears in my mind about life, social situations, business decisions, my career, relationships, and more.  And I see how they are all distractions.  And the level of fear my worries present me with is so low, compared to a real danger.  But I often perceive them as real, I don’t like feeling them, and I let them limit me.

Well, I used to. Knowing how the brain works, I know this experience created some new pathways in my brain.  Just thinking about these things isn’t enough to change, but this helpful rattlesnake gave me a valuable experience.  It will now be that much easier to see worry for what it is now that my perception has been changed.  And I get to be grateful for yes, even a rattlesnake.

I hope you get out in the world and have your own lessons and life changing experiences.  They happen anywhere, when you are open to your experience, whatever it may be.  Just try not to play with rattlesnakes if you don’t have to. Hopefully you can learn your lessons easier.  🙂

~chuck

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let’s continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email[email protected].  Want to meet?  Here’s how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

 

Image Used under Creative Commons by David O on Flickr

 

8 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Therapy

July 24, 2014
change, feelings, goals, growth, human experience, personal growth, relationship, therapy

With so many “healers,” coaches, counselors, psychotherapists, and psychologists out there practicing thousands of methods, there are many misconceptions about what therapy is and isn’t.  I can’t dispel all the myths, but here are a few things I’d like you to know.

alone in the woods1. People who go to therapy are not crazy.  You are not crazy.  

We all have challenges and unique ways of approaching them. Most people feel like they are unique and nobody has ever had the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that they have. Guess what? We are all human. There is nothing inherently bad, embarrassing, or shameful about anything you are thinking or experiencing. Most of us only feel this way because we don’t take the risk to be vulnerable and share the details of our inner worlds with others. You can be assured, no matter what you are facing, it may be challenging, you may be coping in ineffective ways, but you are not crazy.

2. Relationship is everything.

There are literally thousands of theories and techniques for doing therapy. You know what the one thing is that research shows will be a predictor of a successful outcome? Relationship. The level of trust and safety you feel with your therapist is the best predictor of success. If you don’t feel able to explore the deeper levels of truth first with yourself and also with your therapist, it will be really hard to make lasting changes. Trust and relationship take time to build, really. It can’t be rushed. It is the most important thing we will do. Nobody exists outside of some sort of relationship, and most of us have limited or no access to a truly supportive, deeply caring, and profoundly accepting relationship like can be developed here.

3. I’m not here to give you advice.

You will probably want it at some point, but I am not the expert in you or your life. You are. My job is to help you gain more trust and confidence in your own ability to lead your own life. I will gladly offer talkingreflections of what you are saying, what it seems like you are saying that you are not aware of, and questions to help you get more clear, but your life is yours to live.

4. My job is not to psychoanalyze you.

See above. A good therapist will not claim to have all the answers. I certainly don’t. We are humans just like you. You are the expert in you. My job is to help you peel back the layers to become even more intimate with yourself, so that you know and feel that you are indeed the only one who can be the expert in you. And you are the only one that can make the changes in your life. My job is to be curious as we explore the unknown together, and maybe I can guide a little and empower you to continue with your own self-leadership.

5. All emotions are welcome. Especially anger.

Most of us have a challenged relationship with our emotions. Either we don’t feel or acknowledge them at all or we are totally ruled by them. Neither is helpful. Emotions serve a purpose: they repel us from things that aren’t good for us and bring us closer to things that are. Ignoring the wisdom of your emotions results in poor decision making and disconnection from yourself. And yet if your emotions are controlling you, you probably could use some balance by engaging your thoughts and rational mind more. The point is, therapy provides a safe and welcoming space where all your emotions are welcome, valid, and supported, even the ones that get a bad reputation such as anger. Emotions are an important part of being human.

6. You will probably backslide to old behavior patterns and I won’t judge you.

Most of us have been engaged in habitual thinking and automatic behaviors for a long time. There is a saying in neuroscience that says, “neurons that fire together wire together.” The longer you have a habitual way of thinking or behaving, the more that pattern gets imprinted in our brain. Our old patterns are kind of like the most popular hiking trails near town – they are well-trodden and easy to find. But when you try to make changes to your thinking and behaving, it is like starting a new trail by simply veering off the main trail. It takes many times walking the new path to wear it in, and even then it is still faint. It is much easier, safer, and more comfortable to stay on the familiar trail. It takes much more effort and intention to forge a new trail, but with time, it will also be easy for you to find and then you will have a choice of which path to take. Relapse is part of the change process, it is not failure. This is another reason it helps to have a guide who knows the terrain.

7. You deserve to be happy and only you are in control of that. I want to support you in having the life you want.

This is a complicated topic, but I want you to know that you only have one life and you deserve to enjoy it. Even if the changes you want to make seem huge and there are a lot of factors that seem in your way – relationships, finances, family, job, education, and more, there are ways to be happy in any circumstance, and there are ways to move toward something better for you. It’s worth it.

8. Therapy is weird. And special. And priceless. And takes courage.

Before people come to therapy, they usually try almost everything they can think of to do it on their own. Some approaches are helpful, others are not. People come to therapy for all kinds of different reasons. Therapy can help with many mental, emotional, and relational challenges – and even some physical (somatic) symptoms. But it can be hard to meet with someone who is a total stranger at first and talk about the most vulnerable and personal things that we sometimes don’t even want to share with our closest friends or family. And that is part of what makes it special and priceless. For most of us, we can’t find any other relationship like this where it is safe to talk about anything, and have it met with 100% acceptance, no judgment, and even some gentle support on how to do things differently.

Our automatic habitual thoughts and behaviors are mostly unconscious. Without outside input, it is likely we will stay stuck doing and thinking the same thing. When you are ready for a trained guide to take you out of the familiar and into a new life, we’ll be here. See you then.

~chuck

Edit: Right after publishing this, I came across this post written from a therapy client.  Great insights from an experienced client’s perspective.

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let’s continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email [email protected].  Want to meet?  Here’s how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

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